Three Weeks

My heart just sank as I was viewing the calendar for upcoming things we have to cross off the To Do List. The breaking of my heart feels like it is torn in two and the tug in my stomach is my heart being caught before it reaches the floor.

In three weeks we will have already spent our first day in Napa Valley, touring the wine fields with the grapes still on the vine (our hope) and taking loads of photos of our children and of Kolby. In three weeks we will have our final days with Kolby as our Puppy in Program. And while we have done this before with our Haddie, it seems like we are starting over.

No two dogs are alike, although both dogs who are not alike, can both graduate. So while the process of Turn In will be "the same", the experience and memory will be different because Kolby is Kolby and he brings a new character and happenings with him.

As I was with Haddie, I could not predict her outcome. There were definite parts of my thinking that felt she was good enough to graduate, and then I'd think about some things that I thought would get her a ticket home. I feel the same with Kolby. Like humans, no dog is fool proof, so to predict one way or the other is just a lot of thought that is not worthy to think much about.

Kinda like guessing if your pregnant belly is carrying a Girl or a Boy. It will definitely be one or the other, but guessing will not make a bit of difference. The same with Puppies in Advanced Training. They will in fact either Graduate, or be a Change of Career.

So - in three weeks we will start the Kolby Waiting Game. And I have three weeks to wrap my head around him not being next to my feet at all times; of him not following me to the laundry room to drink his entire bowl full of water while I put a load into the wash, of him not making the biggest kerplunk onto the wooden floor when I start unloading the dishwasher, of him not jumping into the car to go on an outing, of his amber eyes not looking deep into my soul to will his way into a reward of praise, treat, or toy, of him not leaning against me at the large box store while we are standing still looking at something as if to say, "I'm still here", of him not peaking over the backseat, of him not rolling and stretching and taking his time getting up and fed and out in the morning.

Of him just not being him in our household.

Three weeks.

Kolby.

Gonna miss you, Mister!!